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Roof Cleaning Severna Park MD · guest

What to do if your other half doesn't show the type of support necessary to run a business? Personal issue.

Roof Cleaning Bradenton FL 941-822-2454 · Guest

Phil,
28 yrs working with Randy, I may be able to help, I will call you and see if there is something that may help you.

Kim R

Roof Cleaning Severna Park MD · guest

Thanks, Kim and Gary. I'll be available around and after 4PM today and mostly the same for the rest of the week.

bnkeenan · Guest

Hey Phil- Sorry to hear about your stress with the support situation. I hope someone here can provide some useful information that could help..... Sounds like your wife may be uncomfortable about there not being a steady paycheck coming in..... Maybe she has insecurities about that. Could be that if you were not just starting out/ transitioning from the steady paycheck, and had good money coming in from the biz, maybe she would not have the concerns and be supportive? Like you, I too made the transition this year and walked away from a six-figure steady paycheck for a job i could not stand a second longer. Fortunately I did have the support of my wife though, and i can see how stressful it could be if I didnt, so i feel for you. Maybe it would benefit you to both talk with a counselor together and try and really find out what her issues are deep down..... If she is insecure that her family might not be able to have food on the table or pay the bills, then that is a legitimate fear on her part.... As someone else mentioned, mayby if she were more involved the the business (we are assuming she is not i guess), and understood more aspects of the biz, and what the financial upsides are once established, maybe she would feel differently.... So, my suggestion, as you asked, is to try and talk it out together with a counsler or somone from church or whatever, and see if there is some hidden fear of hers or something. Feel free to PM or call. Hope to see you and your wife again at another event. Bob

A to Z · Deleted

It can be tough, at first my wife was like that. I show her full respect and she is an excellent mother and good at what she does (LPN). She has now learned that this business requires lots of flexibility! When it comes to work related decisions she has learned to trust me and not to question me. In return I am always honest about money when she asks, and I try to understand where she is coming from. I would never become partners with my wife.
Ever.
I know that I will be with her forever, but you never know! If there ever was a divorce (its horrible to even think about) your company is getting split in 2 instantly. I would even go as far as to get Incorporated if you have not already.
Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.

Roof Cleaning Severna Park MD · guest

Yeah, probably not including her in the business ownership unless things were much different, but I've tried to include her in it, she's just not 'all in.'

I'm more of a financial worrier than she is, but she's already rejected true counseling, but would possibly go for talking to someone in a church, good thought.

It really seems that her hangup is that I don't spend enough time with her and my stepson. I work 45 hours at a school Monday through Friday and cleaning after work + weekends, but I still have to find work, maintain the books, eat, sleep and I spend time with them every night. It's not like I'm never there, I just can't come sit down to hang out all the time.

After thinking more, I'll ry to approach this a different way and hopefully it will sink in. She comes from a wealthy family and never really saw how hard thy worked to get where they are, she just sees what thy have now and how it seems to come easy. It's easy to tank a business without being a little obsessive in the frst several years, but it pays off, hopefully she learns that.

Guest

Phil - my wife hasn't been real supportive either, although it has been better recently to an extent. Then again she's been working with me on the jobs. (Both good and bad and whole other can of worms). Much like Bob mentions, I too left the corporate world making "good money", and frankly, my wife is spoiled rotten. I wouldn't have it any other way.. (I don't think.... LOL) She liked that routine check every week that supported her lunch with girlfriends everyday, designer handbags, sporty German car lifestyle.. And she'd never worked outside the home before.

BUT, I worked LONG hours, often 6 and sometimes 7 days a week doing the corporate gig. Since having my own business (full time) I have more flexibility with my time, and more free time than I've ever had as an adult before. I LOVE having my own business!! And finally, here's my point:

Based solely on what your posts say, I summise that it's more about time at home with family than it is about having a business. You're leaving your job at the school to pursue your business dream full time, right? If so, I suspect that will help things at home with the Mrs.

I strongly suggest family first, career aspirations second. But that's just my thoughts. Chasing money doe not lead to happiness. Don't forget what is truly important in the grand scheme of things. I have a hunch that things will be fine soon.

You know how to reach me. I have big ears, so I'm a good listener. (joke) And since there are family concerns, I'll tell you how I make a full time living as a business owner, while only working part time.

Roof Cleaning New Jersey · Dec 14, 2011

Sorry to hear this Phil. I kinda felt your pain in my heart and stomach when I was reading your first post. I guess sometimes we just kinda expect everyone to be excited about this as we are. Sadly this is not always the case. You found suttin you finally believe in and I hope no one spoils that for you.

Mr Maintenance · Dec 15, 2011

Phil

Im sorry to hear your struggle, and im not in your shoes and dont know your exact situation but i hvae had the same struggles that your having. I started my Roofing & Siding Business in 1989 and had (1) good year and the economy tanked the following (2) years 1990 & 1991. It gradually got better and better but during that time my wife saw friends of hers and friends of mine going on vacations, going out to dinner, buying houses, all while i was struggling. Needless to say my engagement and future marrige was in jeopardy. I did the extreme and told my future wife that i was pursuing my buisness and she was either on board or not, this may seem harsh but it was the trueth. My wife always told me that she knew i worked hard and that she understood, but deep down inside i knew she was missing the point. My wife took a week vacation during the summer (busy season) and i took her with me every day. I got her up early took her in my truck every day, made her lug shingles,move boxes of siding, and took her on estimates at night when i met costomers. I didnt beat her into the ground physically(like i do to myself ) but it gave her a 1st hand view of my day. She didnt realize how tired i must have been at the end of the day and she had a new respect. Now before anyone gets upset with me let me say this, I KNOW I COULD NOT DO HER JOB (MOTHER OF 2). I dont need a lesson to realize that being a wife and a mother is hard work. Good luck Phil and i hope i helped you.

Roof Cleaning Severna Park MD · guest

Wow guys, thanks a lot. I'm really just trying to get some ideas, and venting some while the next month or so passes. It will get better, but I know it's not going to be all sun and daisy's right away, I will have to work my butt off quite a bit to build this business to a respectable level and I'll have to make time to show my family that I'm not neglecting them.

@Ted, thank you for the reply. Your wife sounds similar to my wife, spoiled with tons of hand bags, new clothes all the time and used to that lifestyle where everything comes easy. We bought a house 2 years ago and it stretched us to the limit every paycheck until this year. She's finally learning that it's not as easy to buy whatever you want when you have a mortgage and other financial responsibilities each month. She works with me on occasion, but as Ed said, she will probably never be as excited as I am about this business.

@Brian, thank you for the reply, it is helpful to see that I'm not alone on this and what you did to get her to understand. My wife watches her cousins going on vacation with their rich parents all the time, and her own parents are quite wealthy and can do pretty much whatever they want. Her family has worked hard to get where they are, I just don't understand why she thinks it would be any different these days. It's harder now to grow a business, if anything. I talked with her a little last night and she agreed to just give it some time, especially to see how much different things are in 1.5 months when work isn't all that I do.

Well, I feel guilty for airing this out on here, but my family won't be honest with me if I talk to them and you guys would know first hand what this kind of thing might be like. I love my wife, she's a great Mom with a lot more patience than I could ever have, she just needs to stop bitching and let me work! lol.

deleted member

Phil-my wife and I seperated in August and a good portion of it was the business. (The rest of it was her, of course.) Feel free to call me if you want, I'm not gonna go into detail on the forum, but if I can help you I'm glad to do so.

Roof Cleaning New Jersey · Dec 17, 2011

We're going on our 3rd cruise in 2 years this January. 10 day Carribean. She got the car she wanted over the summer (used but still a decent Infinity). She got $1500 spending cash for Christmas. Needless to say she's warming up to the freedoms of this business.

Doug R · Guest

Hey Phil, it's pretty simple actually. Make her your #1 priority, AHEAD of your business and see if both the BUSINESS and YOUR RELATIONSHIP doesn't prosper way beyond what you ever imagined.

Two things that every wife wants.

1) Not having to worry about finances. (I didn't say being rich)
2) TIME

Feel Free to call me if you want. I've been where you are, buddy.

jim hill · Premium Member Roof Cleaning Institute of America

Sort of a tough call here,I feel your pain,I came from a big salary in corp. Am. with all the stress I wanted and started with a customer base of none,but am mentoring my son. Have leveraged my old contacts into customers and will ultimately do very well.
Reading maybe too carefully into this, her having wealthy parents maybe she thinks having a blue collar husband is beneath her. I think you need to have a good business plan and show her what a few duplications of yourself can produce. Don`t know what you did before but even in most Corp Am. or sales jobs your limited severely by what you can make and compete against yourself every year.
Life is too short for bitchy women and cheap beer,finishing up here as a 62 Y/O Dr. Phil speaking to you,that sweet frisky (horny) gal you married will hit the change of life and with that through hormonal change will probably not know what she wants (mood swings etc). Don`t know your story but this could be part of it. Some how it probably aen`t you!

Good luck! your therapy session is on the house

Roof Cleaning Cleveland (216) 323-0552 · Dec 18, 2011

If all else fails take her fishing Christmas eve.

Liberty SoftWash · Dec 18, 2011

Roof Cleaning Severna Park MD wrote:
Well, as most business owners know, running a business takes a ton of time and dedication. A lot of times, long hours in the field and in the office (home office in my case).
My wife likes the money that cleaning brings in, but does not show the support that I feel is necessary to run a business. She doesn't understand that I have to work, makes me feel bad about it and complains that I'm never around. I try to include her in the business, but she just isn't that interested most of the time.
Anyone have a tough time juggling all of this? At this point, it's caused a pretty big strain on our marriage and I can only assume that it's common. I don't really know what to do anymore, my business is extremely important to me, this is how I am choosing to support my family, if she doesn't get that, then what?
I'm not asking for therapy here, I'm more or less looking to see what others have done and what you do if it comes down to "the biz or the marriage." Honestly, I love my business, if I didn't get the chance to grow it, I know I'd feel resentment, so giving up the business is NOT an option.

-- Edited by Roof Cleaning Severna Park MD on Wednesday 14th of December 2011 02:03:10 PM

Hey Phil, this is Lisa, Eric's other half. I am sorry you are not getting the support at home that you deserve. As far as I see it, marriage is a team sport and you always have to support the rest of the team! I may not always be on Eric's jobs but, I would never think of making him feel bad for putting work before me! I know personally that you have busted your butt working a "regular" job and then doing your roof cleaning and such after you get off from your first job. I am sure you would much rather be at home but, when starting up and trying to build your business, it takes that dedication to make it a success. I have worked on many jobs with Eric and do what ever I can to help out by doing the paperwork and office duties when I am not helping him on a job site. And when he comes home from a long day working without me, I am there to make his life at home comfortable and relaxing! I feel this is part of my "job" as a wife. I too have another job and am attending college part time and when I am overwhelmed with school work, laundry, housework, running to the orthodondist with our son..........He has my back! It's all give and take, you can't reep the rewards without putting in some effort, but, that's just my opinion! FYI, Eric says for a fee, I can be your surroget wife! LOL Good luck and give Eric a call if you ever need to vent!

sweetwaterfish · Guest

Good sound advice here, PHil! Love the posts these guys have made.

Mine became VERY supportive when she lost her job and came to work with me. It gave her a sense of purpose and she has helped to take this business to the next level. She is still crazy as a sprayed roach, but one of the best sales people you will ever see in action.

Roof Cleaning Severna Park MD · guest

Ray, that's awesome and I love that, "crazy as a sprayed roach." LOL

Hey Lisa, thanks for chiming in. Things have been going better lately, I've been taking the time to eat with them every night that we can and pushing some of my work back until after I wrestle around with the little one for an hour or so and it seems to make her happy. Maybe she'll get into helping more with time, until then I will be patient. She helps me out in a pinch if I need help when using the ladder, so I'm grateful for that.

Roof Cleaning Severna Park MD · guest

Sorry, missed some of the other posts.

Her family is mainly wealthy due to blue collar businesses (electrical and landscaping mostly), so it's not that. As far as that goes, she's always gotten whatever she wants or needs and gotten it easily as she's never really had to struggle for anything, nor has she seen any of her family really struggle. I'm the exact opposite, my family always struggled and I'm aiming to be stop that trend.

Thank you everyone for your advice and words of wisdom here, it definitely helps a lot. Art, I'm sorry to hear about your separation, and it's a bit unsettling since a lot of it was due to the business, but if it's not working, it's not working!

Roof Cleaning Little Rock Arkansas · Guest

Phil, I know how you feel man. I was in your shoes too once.

It can be rough, but you'll get it worked out for the best.

The Roof Cleaning Institute Of America Training & Certification Forum "Find A Certified Roof Cleaner Directory"

The Roof Cleaning Institute Of America Training & Certification Forum
"Find A Certified Roof Cleaner Directory"